F-words and Cold Ankles

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

 
photo credit: Joshua Franzos


Trigger Warning: I am a feminist. And this week's essay is going to be about feminism. If you have any palpitations, I urge you, dear reader, to look up the definition of feminism. Do it. Go ahead, open a new tab and google it right now. I'll wait. Yeah, equality. Doesn't sound so bad, huh? Now for the length of this blog post, just erase any preconceived notions of man-hating, hairy armpits and ugly, shrillness. 

 21st century feminism is in a weird place right now. For example, there's a movement called #womenagainstfeminism. Many of these "women against feminism", take pictures of themselves holding a hand-written placard explaining why THEY don't need feminism. Answers range from "because they like to make their man a sandwich", to "because they like being a stay at home mom", to "because they shave their armpits," to "because they prefer egalitarianism instead." Seriously, pull up another tab and google #womenagainstfeminism pictures. Many of these women deny the existence of social and economic inequalities between sexes, and the historian and realist in me gets angry.
...but...
many other women of "women against feminism" do acknowledge what earlier feminist causes have done for the landscape of women's rights, but they simply do not want to be aligned with their perception of the movement.This also irritates me. While I don't agree with many of their cringe-worthy signs, acknowledging the past is at least, a start. None-the-less, there is much to be read in between the lines of each hand-written #womenagainstfeminism placard...these womenagainstfeminism don't want to be labeled or stereotyped

photo credit: Joshua Franzos
 I came of age in the 90's when third-wave feminism was new and amazing. It took my mother's second wave "white woman" feminism and added so much sex and race and class politics and rock and roll, riot grrls, Guerilla Girls, porn and, believe it or not, make-up back into the mix. I loved it because it embraced the individual and became so much more about ALL women and ALL people, in ALL walks of life. Everything became okay. "Free Your Mind," was our anthem. Words, that used to shame, insult and degrade (Bitch, Cunt, Slut, Queer, Gay, Lesbian, et all) were reclaimed and re-appropriated. These perjoratives were worn proudly and defiantly in the face of a land-mine laden culture of political correctness. I cut my teeth on that civil disobediance and found great power in it. I have to admit that at times, feminism today just seems like it's full of trigger warnings and micro-aggressions, but let's be honest, we had that in the nineties too. They were called disclaimers and political correctness. Eventually everything gets re-branded.

photo credit: Joshua Franzos

photo credit: Joshua Franzos

There is this thing called a 'euphemism treadmill.' (This word was coined in 2003, by Steven Pinker's book, The Blank State). Words become offensive and so they become replaced with another word, a euphemism. The R-word for instance. Mental retardation was the medical term in 1895, then it became what it is now, a playground and societal insult that cuts deep. The medical books are just now changing the terminology from "mental retardation" to "Intellectual Challenged"or "Intellectual Disabled."Ultimately, whatever word or word string that is chosen for this condition will eventually be deemed an insult. Not if, but when your grandchild comes home upset because someone on the playground called him or her a "challenge," this blog post will have come full circle. I'll bet you can already guess which word is up next on the euphemism treadmill. Here's a hint, it starts with an F.

But this is neither here nor there. My armpits are usually shaved, I don't hate men, large populations do not consider me to be ugly, I celebrate stay at home moms and families, my husband considers himself to be a feminist (and he's a man)...My life doesn't fit the mold of the feminist stereotype and yet, I am a feminist and will reclaim that F-Word with my dying breath, because I always want to challenge traditional gender roles and stereotypes, which don't just harm women's potential. They harm men's too. There's no such thing as "real" women or "real" men. How about, let's just be real.

photo credit: Joshua Franzos
 
Which is where I want to introduce my style inspiration for the week, Hollywood actor, Gene Kelly. You'll know him from movies, An American in Paris and Singin' in the Rain. Athlete, Choreographer, Heart Throb. Native Pittsburgher. Gender Role and Social Class Barrier Breaker.

photo credit: unknown
Yep. You read that right. Gene Kelly got into a lot of fights growing up in Pittsburgh because dancing for boys was viewed as a "sissy" sport. At a very young age, little Gene had to physically defend his love for his art. Can you imagine a world without Gene Kelly? (Quelle Horreur!) I'm so glad he rose above it and was secure enough in his own masculinity to pursue dance. In reading his bio, I discovered that Kelly had a couple of conscious agendas in his lifetime. One, he wanted to break down gender barrier bias in dance and, two, once he was well established in Hollywood, the social class distinctions associated with dance. Before Gene, Hollywood musicals had only been known for having men dancing in top hats and tuxedos. Kelly sought to further democratize dance in the movies by dressing like Joe Everyman. His first wife said of him, "A sailor suit or his white socks and loafers, or t-shirts on his muscular torso, gave everyone the feeling that he was a regular guy, and perhaps they too could express love and joy by dancing in the street or stomping through puddles." I adore him, his joie de vivre, and his style.



 



If you made it this far on my feminist rant, thank you. Do you consider yourself a feminist? Tell me why or why not in the comments below now, so we can get "non-polite-thanksgiving-dinner-table-conversations" out of our system and prepare ourselves for things like, "So, how about this weather we've been having? Glorious fall isn't it? I'm quite amazed that I've been able to wear my beloved cropped pants well into November. My ankles are a little chilly in the morning, but by noon it's perfectly clement..."

photo credit: Joshua Franzos


What I wore: 
pullover: Anthropologie, here!
button-down: Banana Republic, on sale HERE!
capris: past season, Ann Taylor Loft.
smoking slippers: Bespoke Stubbs & Wootton



Your bosom friend in Pittsburgh,













Lust For Life

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

photo credit: Joshua Franzos
It's a good thing I wasn't born a guy. I'm pretty sure I would've been that shirtless, drug-addicted, lead singer that only wore leather pants and rolled around on stage in broken glass and vomit. Think Jim Morrison and Iggy Pop. Kidding.

 Sort of. 

I've always been able to visualize my life going down some pretty grim paths in connection with my creativity because that's how creatives are depicted in film and literature. thought it was inevitable. Having had bouts with depression, I've always felt a connection with historically tortured artists, writers and musicians. I saw myself in their stories, could see my potential future down their uncomfortable life paths. This is called empathy. Sure, empathy is great for telling stories and writing fiction (and being a decent human being), but sometimes the depths of my empathy makes me squirm in my seat. I mean, I can't even watch people be awful at Karaoke, I feel their embarrassment, plus my own and I just can't. After watching any rock n' roll biopic, I think, Yeah, I totally could've fallen down the heroin abyss and ruined everything for myself. Totally could've happened to me. Mr. Franzos and pretty much any close friend I voice my dark empathy concerns to, rolls their eyes at me. "Nuh uh," they say,"..you're too much of a survivor." 
Okay. So they definitely have a better opinion of me than I have of myself, but they're probably right. I've had some dark moments in my life, but they've only made me appreciate this finite resource even more...far too much to ever waste it at this point.


 The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.



I think we're all born with the feeling that we have some greater purpose, or have the feeling that something unknown is bubbling up inside of us to share with the world. At least, I hope everyone has that feeling. I often follow Mr. Franzos around for his photography and film-making work. My chest swells with happiness and pride that he's one of the lucky few that have made a life out of hard work and creativity. I'm glazing over the trials and tribulations of being self-employed, of course, but the grass is always greener on the other side, isn't it? I, myself, have an administrative day job (for a very fair and understanding employer). So after I punch the day job clock, I punch the creative clock as much as I can physically muster. As I mentioned in my last post, I feel the pressure of time constantly. My parents died young, you see, and if that's any predictor on when I punch out of this world, that would mean I only have 15 years or so. It seems unfair, since I just found the love of my life and my gift that I want to give away as my life's purpose.

photo credit: Joshua Franzos

But there I go, talking about death again when I really wanted to talk about the creative and rock and roll lifestyle. Minus the downward drug spirals, it's a good life and never boring. So I thought I 'd give some guide lines I've developed for myself on how to look and act the part without asphyxiating on your own vomit

1. Push your art to the limits, not your vices.
2. Party hard, but work harder.
3. It's not about you, it's about getting to do your art.
4. People seldom remember what you say, but they do remember how you made them feel.
5. Exercise your demons into submission.

6. Have friends that celebrate your triumphs and point out when you're being a twat.
7. Good-natured mischief, because it keeps you and those around you, young.
9. Road trip to connect you with the beautiful land and its people.
10. Wear tight, shiny pants.

photo credit: Joshua Franzos
photo credit: Joshua Franzos

What I wore: 
Top: Freeli. Purchased locally at Issue.
Waxed moto jeans: Habitual
Boots: Sam Edelman
Bag: Shades of Silence, here. 
Cuff: Chanel, gift.




Tell me, what are your guidelines for being a rock star in your own life?



Your bosom friend in Pittsburgh,

















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Fear and Clothing in Erie, Pennsylvania

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

 
photo credit: Joshua Franzos


Mr. Franzos and I stepped away from it all for a quick, one-day, summer vacation in Erie, Pennsylvania, and it was, well, eerie. Erie is a summertime destination city perfectly situated on one of the Great Lakes with shoppes, restaurants and amusement parks... but when we got there Erie was closed for the season and shuttered. Unbeknownst to us, summer was over. The End. Fin.

How could it possibly be fall? I thought, It's still warm out.

We stood in the amusement park overflow parking lot, stared at the frozen roller coasters and listened like deranged children, for all the sounds that weren't there. We strained our ears for the crunch of an elephant ear, the trilling voices of children high on cotton candy, the pained shrieks caused by some wise guy slapping someone's lobster red sunburn.

Silence.

It was like a giant void had opened up where the happiest place on Erie used to be and piped in the painful sound of nothing. But it wasn't just the amusement parks, the sound of nothing was everywhere. Even the waves on Presque Isle State Park didn't have the audacity to crash upon the sandy shores, they merely rolled up, silent as you please, like a drop of oil in a warm frying pan. 

photo credit: Joshua Franzos


We checked into a third generation roadside motel, the kind where you park in front of your room (my favorite). It had cable television and an outdoor swimming pool, but the pool was tarped over and the gate pad-locked. The Closed for the Season sign was crooked on the chain link fence. The only sound in the entire city seemed to come from the motel room next to us. The TV was on full blare. A Twilight Zone marathon was on. We could hear each throaty, male cough coming through the thin walls. We called the front desk to complain. 

"Oh, that'd be Allen. He's what you'd call a feeble mind. His mom had to stow him here for a few days while she takes care of something...He's hard of hearing, Allen...sorry about that. I'll put you in a room on the other side of the horseshoe..." the front desk attendant apologized. 

Mr. Franzos and I cast side-long glances at each other, but we were quickly accommodated and our new room proved to be just as silent as the rest of Erie.

Now, a normal person would say, "This place gives me the heeby jeebies...Let's leave!" 

Not me. Not Mr. Franzos. We scrambled to get ourselves and our photography equipment together to document as much of the shuttered city as we could before sun down.

photo credit: Joshua Franzos

I find beauty in decay and the slick, downward slope towards obsolescence. It's a universally relatable experience, this race against time and nature. So naturally, I'm obsessed with all abandoned landscapes, ghost towns and ruins. They remind me of the monstrous landscapes I occasionally see in a recurring fever dream I've had since I was four. I started dreaming of abandoned industrial plants when I was a flu-ridden toddler living in Northern California, which is weird because my fever dreams always looked a lot like the rusting steel mills of Pittsburgh. Sometimes I wonder if that means I'll meet my demise here in Pennsylvania, but then I remember that I don't believe in predetermination, which might be why I always hurtle myself towards the very things that scare me. I pick at things. Test boundaries. Get underneath them. Wrap my mind around them. Conquer them by understanding them. 


About a year ago, I had a nightmare. Usually nightmares are pretty straight forward and easy to figure out. This wasn't one of those nightmares. In this dream, I was tasked with giving someone else a bunch of used, infant mattresses and much to my surprise, they didn't want them. But, I was told they would want these mattresses, so why didn't they want them? It wasn't that they didn't want them, so much as they couldn't take them right this very second. I glanced down at the stack of baby mattresses, wondering what I was supposed to do with them until they decided they wanted them. As I looked at the blue and white ticking fabric covering the mattress, the seams start splitting. Hundreds of dirty, severed hands burst out and attacked me, tried to get in my mouth. Meanwhile long, black hair spilled out the sides of the mattress and tried pulling me into the darkness within. I snapped awake, gasping for air and said, "Whoa. That was cool." Two weeks later I bought a black hair purse. 

photo credit: Joshua Franzos

I believe in symbolism and it is rampant through out my writing. Sometimes intended and sometimes a completely subconscious happenstance that I only notice when I go back through and edit. I think it's a fun thing to weave in, but as I grow more and more aware of it, I fear my subconscious does as well. My dreaming mind really threw me for a loop. Black hair? Infant mattresses covered in blue-ticking fabric? Animated severed hands?  I scratched my head over this dream for months.The psuedo psychoanalyst in me wonders if this wasn't two portions of my brain, the ambitious writer and the biological clock, having a candid conversation about procreation and this next year. You see, I've decided that I need a year to get my affairs in order before, well, you know. The biological clock doesn't like it, and the writer feels rushed. Neither of them are happy with my decision and I feel them at war inside me, all. the. time. 

The biological clock obviously wants a chance at a family, to leave a genetic legacy if all other attempts at a legacy fail. Maybe my kid will be the one that can do some good, make a difference in the world where I could not-- at least, I believe that is the boiled down rationale behind having children.

The ambitious writer wants to finish the first draft of my novel and sail to Sicily and see the Catacombe dei Cappuccini first. Kids will only get in the way at this point, and it is my understanding that you pretty much have to shelve everything you want to accomplish for about 18 years. The ambitious writer is very susceptible to outside pressure, especially from seemingly arbitrary deadlines suggested by the Biological clock (and pretty much any physician out there). So I booked the trip, now I just need to finish the book.The ambitious writer balks at a year deadline. Is it enough time???
 
The biological clock is completely pessimistic and wonders if the hope for procreation will be up before I even start researching what luteal phases are. I'm told that 35 is a slippery slope into genetic obsolescence. The biological clock also wonders if I'm successful at producing an heir, if the "past expiration date" on my eggs will result in me being the kind of mother that drops off my "feeble-minded" son at a roadside motel in Erie. 

photo credit: Joshua Franzos

Evil clowns and demon possession seem so much more, appetizing than the harsh realities of being a 35 year old woman. Anyway, it's that time of year where we openly and willingly explore the things that scare us. Christian and pagan rituals summon them out into the open to ward off other evil spirits. So let it be known, I have summoned thee, fear. Now get thee behind me Satan. Riddikulus!

For now, I just want to finish breathing life into my story until it's a wriggling pink newborn book baby in my arms. I just hope by next October I won't be finally ready for summer only to find that its Closed for the Season, forever. 

photo credit: Joshua Franzos



What I Wore: 
Top: Mas Nada
Skirt: past season Mossimo
Fringe Belt: Elie Tahari
Boots: Sam Edelman


Your Bosom Friend from Pittsburgh,





What Do Writers Wear?

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

 
photo credit: Joshua Franzos


I casually pondered from time to time, what do writers wear? But it never resulted in me pulling my phone out of my back pocket to google it, until today.

Many months ago, I watched a documentary about J.D. Salinger, the recluse author of The Catcher in the Rye. I actually hit "rewind" on the film when an ex-lover talked about him suiting up each day in a gray canvas jumpsuit, his uniform for writing. Yes, Salinger donned a jumpsuit each day and closed himself off from the world in a concrete bunker and wrote. People were not welcome in there. One part of my brain cried, "That's sooo weird!" The other part of my writer brain said, "Oh yeah...That makes perfect sense." Writing is dirty, thankless work and most people simply do not get how long it can take. Nor do they understand the silence and seclusion you need in order to create fictional worlds. People think writers are day-dreamers. It would seem so as we half-stare at our screens, half gaze upon the worlds we're building like a chess player thinks, three moves ahead. The next moves and motives of our characters hang tenuously in the air, becoming more and more concrete in our minds and our fingers hang over the keys, ready to strike. That is, until someone shatters the glass menagerie with one lascivious crunch into a celery stick. So, I get the hard labor uniform, just as I get closing yourself off from the world in a concrete bunker. 
"It sounds like a vacation," says my writer brain. 
"Yeah," quips the normal half of my brain, "for a serial killer."

photo credit: Joshua Franzos



So, Salinger was a little extreme and judging from the documentary, may not have had the best work/life balance. But what about the others? I pulled the phone out of my back pocket and googled: "Writer's uniforms" and "what do writer's wear?" I pulled up some old blog posts, a few buzz feed type "lists," and this awesome wikihow article, that I don't think was written in satire, but has me seriously laughing like it was. Hollywood portrays present day writers as slobs. Maybe. I, unfortunately, do not know many writers, so I can only speak for myself. I mostly write during my lunch periods M-F, so I wear whatever I wore to work...usually a funky oxford shirt, a cardigan, and pants. I felt that I had to say pants, because I learned that John Cheever wrote mostly in his tighty whiteys. (He claims he only had one suit at the time and didn't want to get it wrinkled). I find good cheer and company in knowing these quirky little things. Though I don't wear anything too outlandish (or not wear anything), I like knowing that I'm not the only ocd weirdo writer out there. I have my rituals, patterns and superstitions that set off Pavlovian-like responses that signal to my brain, it's time to get busy and write.


photo credit: Joshua Franzos

photo credit: Joshua Franzos

photo credit: Joshua Franzos

But writers as slobs...while I may not wear my pajamas when I write, (I say this without judgement, by all means, do whatever you need to do in order to get those beautiful words onto the page!) but my oxford shirts are definitely a little rumply from sitting in the laundry basket, not getting ironed by me. I also tend to choose colors these days that work with the omnipresence of little white dog hairs. I also wear holes through my elbows quicker than you can say M. Night Shayamalan. I either have a hole in my elbow or I've patched it. Either way, I usually look like a character from a Dicken's novel in great shoes.


photo credit: Joshua Franzos

photo credit: Joshua Franzos


This outfit is a weekend writing/get work done look.  This past weekend was a productive weekend for us. I got a little writing done, but mostly because I had two days off from work for Rosh Hashanah. Weekend writing time has mostly been AWOL since May when we started moving and renovating. But besides that, I also got some IKEA furniture built. Mr. Franzos and I got tile for our kitchen backsplash picked out and ordered. Ditto on the tile for fireplaces. We went for a nice, long urban walk, and we also broke in our newly remodeled kitchen for the first time. Home cooking is the best. Our home is finally really coming together, though we aren't done with the weekend projects quite yet. As a result, when I do write these days it's almost always done outside the home where there are fewer distractions.

What do you wear when you write? 





What I wore:
Sunglasses: Ray Ban
Cardigan: vintage Bergdorf Goodman cashmere.
Top: past season, J. Crew
Jeans: H & M, here.
Shoes: last year's tired slip-ons





Your Bosom Friend in Pittsburgh,





















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